Marriage

This holiday, be proactive and plan ahead to keep the spark going during the cozy season—and I don’t mean the one in the fireplace!

So let us all — women, as well as men — strive to be like the wife of noble character described in Proverbs 31. Let us all work to be selfless, hardworking, compassionate, virtuous, strong, and kind.

It helps to study your partner and note their weaknesses so that you are not too gutted when they fall short. As their companion, you could also help them work on their weaknesses instead of judging them and taking offense. Remember that forgiveness is a daily component of a healthy marriage—rise above obsessing over your spouse's weaknesses and learn to bear with them in love.

Christmas can create undue stress as we strive to find the perfect gift for our mate. But it doesn't have to be stressful. With a little creativity and a better understanding of who our spouse really is, we can get gifts they will appreciate for a lifetime and gifts that will help better their lives, learn a new skill, and make them better people as a result.

I have an advanced degree in counseling and hundreds of hours experience working with couples. I’ve taught marriage retreats for years. I wouldn’t say I’m an “expert” in marriage—because I’m married—and my wife reads my blog. That would be a stretch. Actually, I know more to do than I have the practice of doing. (Isn’t that true for most of us?)But I’ve learned a few things. I’ve observed things that work and things that don’t.I think there are some necessary ingredients for a healthy marriage. That’s the point of this post.Want a healthier marriage?Consider these 7 Commandments of Marriage:

Words are singularly the most powerful force accessible to humanity. We have the choice to use this power to build someone up with encouragement or destroy a person with one destructive word. We’ve been reminded ever since we could talk to: Be careful with your words, once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.Proverbs 18:21 reminds us: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." As a writer, I’m well aware of how my careless words have pierced my husband’s heart. In fact, the first time I tore my husband down was a moment I’ll never forget. Chris had promised once I finished college we would move from the middle of Nebraska to Florida.As a woman whose soul is tempered by any body of water, I had big dreams to live by the ocean. When the time came Chris had already established a solid career in the agricultural field and Florida didn’t exactly fit into his career path.One evening we hashed it out and he said no. Frustrated and filled with sarcasm I said, “Fine, I’ll move down there without you and if you don’t follow, then we can just get a divorce.”I never saw a man fall as quickly as he did. I didn’t mean it one bit. I didn’t realize how effortlessly I obliterated my husband’s confidence, purpose, and self-respect in one simple, off-handed comment.In the book Love as A Way of Lifeby Gary Chapman, he uses a vivid metaphor for words as being either ‘bullets or seeds’. If we use our words as bullets, we lose the ability to restore a relationship but if we use our words as seeds, we can rebuild a relationship. Words have power to help, to hinder, to heal, to hurt, to humiliate, or to humble.Words can inspire and words can destroy your man. Choose yours well. As one vital rule, the word divorce should never be mentioned in a marriage. Now that we have that established, here are five phrases never to be uttered at all costs.

What fears or societal changes might be getting in the way of marriage, and what are those of us desiring to marry at some point supposed to do about it? Here are four of the biggest fears about marriage (and how to overcome them).

No one bears more responsibility for the spiritual trajectory of his household than the spiritual leader of the home, the husband. Husbands must lead by example, leading their wives and children in prayer, worship, and the study of God’s Word. There are responsibilities that belong to husbands and fathers, not simply pastors or other ministers.

A marriage thrives when both the husband and wife love Christ more than anyone in life, including their spouse. And when they look to The Lord as their provider - rather than demanding their spouse meet all their needs. When you learn to devote your heart to loving the Lord, there will be a natural outpouring of thankfulness and God's love spilling out of your heart and onto those around you - especially your marriage partner.

Regardless of your current financial situation, there is always hope (for your marriage and finances) when you start talking to one another and addressing what God says matters most.

“Leave and cleave” seems old-fashioned, but what can we learn from it?

Between all the decorating, shopping, baking, and gift-wrapping, it can be a busy time of year when you may wonder how you are going to fit anything else in, much less a date night! However, well-orchestrated holiday date nights may be just what your love needs to keep the festive spark alive and well! Besides that, it may even make all the other things on your to-do list a little less daunting.So, whether you make time to catch the latest cheesy holiday rom-com, fall down in a bed of snow to make angels, or attend a local festive event, the holiday season marks a perfect time to create special date nights that will speak your love language and touch your romantic heart. Ahh, feel the weight of all the holiday stress slowly melt away.Sounds great, right? But maybe the thought of getting childcare, trying to find the right event, or planning something special among all the other holiday things you have to do sounds more overwhelming than enjoyable. I can understand that. When our daughters were younger, we didn’t always seize the opportunity to go out. However, we did make a pack with a few friends to switch off childcare nights, and let me tell you - that was such a blessing! Finding ways to pre-plan now may be all you need to take the chance and make the most of your date nights together!Now, are you ready? Discover some unique and fun date nights below that are guaranteed to spice up your love this holiday season and get you both in the Christmas spirit.

As wives, we want to show our husbands they are loved. Our gifts are a chance to let them know they are appreciated and seen. Consequently, we women can feel a bit of pressure when shopping for our husbands. We are often also bearing the load of shopping for everyone else in our homes, too! All the planning, budgeting, buying, and more add a layer of stress to this time of year for most married women.

As a Type 6, he fears not having security or support and being blamed, targeted, or abandoned. He wants security, guidance, and loyalty. When he is facing something intense or challenging, he wants to talk about it. As a Type 9, I fear conflict and tension. I want peace and harmony. I'll forget myself and go along to get along and end the conflict.

The Christmas season can be very hectic for couples. With everything that must be done, it leaves little room for romance. However, intentional couples can still spark romance in their relationships while getting into the Christmas spirit. Regardless of a couple’s budget, the suggestions below will help them enter the Christmas spirit while sparking a little romance. Here are seven romantic dates to get couples in the Christmas spirit: